1
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:10,000
?Are you ready, kids

2
00:00:10,034 --> 00:00:11,482
:KIDS
!Aye, aye, Captain

3
00:00:11,517 --> 00:00:13,000
.I can't hear you

4
00:00:13,034 --> 00:00:14,965
:KIDS
!Aye, aye, Captain

5
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,034
♪ !Ooh

6
00:00:18,068 --> 00:00:20,068
♪ Who lives in a pineapple
?under the sea ♪

7
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,172
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants♪

8
00:00:22,206 --> 00:00:24,000
♪ Absorbent and yellow
and porous is he ♪

9
00:00:24,034 --> 00:00:25,793
♪  Spongebob
!Squarepants♪

10
00:00:25,827 --> 00:00:28,103
♪ If nautical nonsense
be something you wish ♪

11
00:00:28,137 --> 00:00:30,172
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants♪

12
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:32,344
♪ Then drop on the deck
and flop like a fish ♪

13
00:00:32,379 --> 00:00:34,344
♪ ?Spongebob Squarepants!♪ready

14
00:00:34,379 --> 00:00:36,344
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants

15
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♪ !Spongebob Squarepants

16
00:00:38,758 --> 00:00:40,310
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants

17
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,827
♪ !Spongebob Squarepants

18
00:00:43,862 --> 00:00:46,241
[hearty laughter ]

19
00:00:46,275 --> 00:00:48,586
[flute playing ]

20
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,965
Captioning sponsored by THE]
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

21
00:00:56,206 --> 00:00:59,620
[and NICKELODEON

22
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:03,448
[bell ringing ]

23
00:01:03,482 --> 00:01:06,172
:MRS. PUFF
.Okay, class, quiet, quiet

24
00:01:06,206 --> 00:01:08,137
Now, get out your
pencils and paper

25
00:01:08,172 --> 00:01:09,827
and write down
.the assignment

26
00:01:09,862 --> 00:01:10,827
[class groans ]

27
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:12,172
?Did you hear that

28
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,172
.We get an assignment

29
00:01:14,206 --> 00:01:17,724
Everyone must write an essay
on what notto do

30
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:18,724
.at a stoplight

31
00:01:18,758 --> 00:01:19,724
[all groaning ]

32
00:01:19,758 --> 00:01:21,137
?Did you hear that

33
00:01:21,172 --> 00:01:23,724
What not to do
!at a stoplight

34
00:01:23,758 --> 00:01:25,517
!In no less than 800 words

35
00:01:25,551 --> 00:01:27,034
[squeal of delight ]

36
00:01:27,068 --> 00:01:28,172
[all groaning ]

37
00:01:28,206 --> 00:01:29,931
?Did you hear that
!?800 words

38
00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:32,931
!Yeah, I know

39
00:01:32,965 --> 00:01:34,551
.Due tomorrow

40
00:01:34,586 --> 00:01:39,482
:And remember, class
.work hard and no goofing off

41
00:01:39,517 --> 00:01:42,517
:SPONGEBOB
!Okay, Gary, no goofing off

42
00:01:42,551 --> 00:01:44,793
I am about to write
the greatest essay

43
00:01:44,827 --> 00:01:45,896
.of all time

44
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,137
,Like most great essays
it will be written

45
00:01:48,172 --> 00:01:50,034
.on paper

46
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,931
Even more important
...than the paper is

47
00:01:51,965 --> 00:01:54,137
.the pencil

48
00:01:54,172 --> 00:01:56,000
[bell dings ]

49
00:01:56,034 --> 00:01:58,793
A pencil is sharp or as dull
.as I like

50
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:01,103
,Hmm, funny, as my ideas grow
.you shrink

51
00:02:01,137 --> 00:02:03,241
[chuckles ]

52
00:02:03,275 --> 00:02:05,689
Well, I couldn't have asked

53
00:02:05,724 --> 00:02:07,793
for a more beautiful day
.to write an essay

54
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:08,793
[birds chirping ]

55
00:02:08,827 --> 00:02:11,517
.Okay, here we go

56
00:02:11,551 --> 00:02:16,724
What Not To Do"
".At A Stoplight

57
00:02:16,758 --> 00:02:17,551
.Hey, this is easy

58
00:02:17,586 --> 00:02:20,862
".By SpongeBob Squarepants"

59
00:02:20,896 --> 00:02:22,862
.Ha! This essay is pure gold

60
00:02:22,896 --> 00:02:26,103
,And now, pencil
get ready to do your stuff

61
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:28,379
.because herewe go

62
00:02:28,413 --> 00:02:30,275
[ticking ]

63
00:02:41,689 --> 00:02:42,931
...Gee

64
00:02:42,965 --> 00:02:45,310
.this is harder than I thought

65
00:02:47,241 --> 00:02:51,551
[ children laughing ]

66
00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:56,827
!Come on, SpongeBob

67
00:02:58,103 --> 00:03:01,310
It should be against the law
to have to write an essay

68
00:03:01,344 --> 00:03:05,517
,on such a super sailorific
!sunshiny day

69
00:03:05,551 --> 00:03:06,448
!Oh

70
00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:08,034
,But I must press onward

71
00:03:08,068 --> 00:03:11,517
because with this pencil and the
,completion of this essay

72
00:03:11,551 --> 00:03:15,448
I'll be one step closer
!to my driver's license

73
00:03:16,137 --> 00:03:19,758
[ tires squealing ]

74
00:03:24,344 --> 00:03:27,206
.Oh, yeah

75
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,551
.This'll be no problemo

76
00:03:29,586 --> 00:03:32,931
.Why, I got plenty of time
.It's only 6:00

77
00:03:32,965 --> 00:03:34,034
[ ticking ]

78
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:36,862
.Okay... okay, here we go

79
00:03:36,896 --> 00:03:38,517
.Here we go

80
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,862
!Ahh

81
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,448
I know, I just need to get

82
00:03:41,482 --> 00:03:44,068
a little blood pumpin'
.in the old noodle

83
00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:45,724
?How about some calisthenics

84
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:49,827
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo

85
00:03:49,862 --> 00:03:54,758
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo

86
00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:57,793
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo
!Hup-hoo! Hup-hoo

87
00:03:57,827 --> 00:04:01,068
Ah, I can feel
!those juices pumpin' now

88
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:03,482
[squeak ]

89
00:04:03,517 --> 00:04:06,724
[singsong squeaking ]

90
00:04:13,379 --> 00:04:15,827
[rhythmic squeaking ]

91
00:04:17,517 --> 00:04:19,517
[gurgling laughter ]

92
00:04:20,965 --> 00:04:22,379
!?Hey! What am I doing

93
00:04:22,413 --> 00:04:24,068
!I got to write that paper

94
00:04:24,103 --> 00:04:25,551
[grunting ]

95
00:04:25,586 --> 00:04:28,965
.Come on, pencil, make words

96
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:30,068
[meow ]

97
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,172
!Gary

98
00:04:31,206 --> 00:04:32,413
Hey, hey, hey

99
00:04:32,448 --> 00:04:35,620
?Gary, how's my favorite mollusk

100
00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,206
How about
you let ol' SpongeBob

101
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,896
fix you up
?something to eat

102
00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:39,896
[meows ]

103
00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:42,068
,What do you mean
?you're not hungry

104
00:04:42,103 --> 00:04:43,517
[meows ]

105
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:46,103
I know I have
!an essay to write

106
00:04:46,137 --> 00:04:47,965
!Now come on, Gary

107
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,482
[grunts ]

108
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:58,551
I got to make sure
you get your nutrition

109
00:04:58,586 --> 00:05:02,275
so I'm not leaving
.until you eat every single bite

110
00:05:02,310 --> 00:05:03,275
[loud chomp, gulp ]

111
00:05:03,310 --> 00:05:04,551
[burps ]

112
00:05:04,586 --> 00:05:07,241
[squishy slithering ]

113
00:05:07,275 --> 00:05:09,000
Gary, a-are you sure
you don't want

114
00:05:09,034 --> 00:05:10,448
?some crème brulée

115
00:05:10,482 --> 00:05:12,000
Or-or some chocoflavored
?algae bits

116
00:05:12,034 --> 00:05:13,586
[squishes ]

117
00:05:13,620 --> 00:05:15,241
.Gee, Gary sure made a mess

118
00:05:15,275 --> 00:05:17,000
I can't work on my essay

119
00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,482
knowing there's a mess
.in the kitchen

120
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:23,655
[squeaking ]

121
00:05:23,689 --> 00:05:25,724
...Hmm

122
00:05:27,551 --> 00:05:28,827
I might as well clean
the rest of the floor

123
00:05:28,862 --> 00:05:30,551
.while I'm at it

124
00:05:30,586 --> 00:05:33,724
[squeaking and whistling ]

125
00:05:33,758 --> 00:05:36,586
:[groaning ]
I should get
.these hard-to-reach places, too

126
00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:38,206
And these dishes
.need to be cleaned

127
00:05:38,241 --> 00:05:41,103
.Can't have dirty garbage

128
00:05:41,137 --> 00:05:42,586
[clinking ]

129
00:05:42,620 --> 00:05:45,172
Well, I think
.it's clean enough now

130
00:05:45,206 --> 00:05:47,793
[bell tinkling ]

131
00:05:47,827 --> 00:05:49,724
.Why, that didn't take too long
...It's only

132
00:05:49,758 --> 00:05:51,862
!10:00

133
00:05:51,896 --> 00:05:52,724
!Oh

134
00:05:52,758 --> 00:05:55,172
.No more fooling around

135
00:05:55,206 --> 00:05:56,931
.I got to get back to work

136
00:05:56,965 --> 00:06:00,482
Okay, Mr. Essay, I say

137
00:06:00,517 --> 00:06:03,103
!prepare to be written

138
00:06:03,137 --> 00:06:05,103
[dive-bomber whooshing ]

139
00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:06,965
[loud thud ]

140
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:08,103
!I'm doing it

141
00:06:08,137 --> 00:06:09,103
!I'm doing it

142
00:06:09,137 --> 00:06:11,517
!Yeah, yeah! Yeah

143
00:06:11,551 --> 00:06:13,103
...And some of these
...and some of these

144
00:06:13,137 --> 00:06:16,172
...Almost there and

145
00:06:16,206 --> 00:06:17,896
.sizzling]...done ]

146
00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:18,827
[sighs ]

147
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,724
Now let's see
.how it looks so far

148
00:06:21,758 --> 00:06:22,896
"...The"

149
00:06:24,241 --> 00:06:25,482
!Break time

150
00:06:25,517 --> 00:06:28,206
.Pacing always helps me think

151
00:06:28,241 --> 00:06:31,068
.Let's see, only 799 words to go

152
00:06:31,103 --> 00:06:34,137
!Think, SpongeBob, think

153
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,000
[snorting ]

154
00:06:40,034 --> 00:06:41,655
[loud ringing ]

155
00:06:41,689 --> 00:06:43,241
:[gasping ]
!?W-Who's that
?Wha...? Hello

156
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,000
?Hey, Patrick, what you up to

157
00:06:45,034 --> 00:06:47,172
.Sleeping

158
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:49,206
.That's really fascinating

159
00:06:49,241 --> 00:06:50,551
?Are you having a good sleep

160
00:06:50,586 --> 00:06:52,206
Any dreams you'd like
?to discuss

161
00:06:52,241 --> 00:06:53,206
...I remember on the

162
00:06:53,241 --> 00:06:54,655
?SpongeBob

163
00:06:54,689 --> 00:06:57,137
You and I both know
that you're just using me

164
00:06:57,172 --> 00:06:58,586
as a distraction

165
00:06:58,620 --> 00:07:00,103
so you don't have to write
.your essay

166
00:07:00,137 --> 00:07:02,103
[gasping, stammering ]

167
00:07:02,137 --> 00:07:03,724
!That is nottrue

168
00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:07,275
I called to have an engaging
.conversation with you

169
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:09,172
.Well, I'm listening

170
00:07:09,206 --> 00:07:11,206
...Uh... Marco

171
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,241
.Polo

172
00:07:12,275 --> 00:07:13,689
[dial tone ]

173
00:07:13,724 --> 00:07:15,517
,Yeah, well
.I got to get going, Patrick

174
00:07:15,551 --> 00:07:17,172
.Got an important essay to write

175
00:07:17,206 --> 00:07:19,275
.Sheesh, what a chatterbox

176
00:07:19,310 --> 00:07:21,206
?Can't he see that I'm busy

177
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,689
[chair squeaks ]

178
00:07:22,724 --> 00:07:25,068
I can't write
with all these eraser shavings

179
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:26,068
.all over my paper

180
00:07:26,103 --> 00:07:27,827
[grunts ]

181
00:07:27,862 --> 00:07:30,068
Now they're floating
.around my thinking space

182
00:07:30,103 --> 00:07:32,206
[inhales deeply ]

183
00:07:32,241 --> 00:07:34,206
.So long, pesky particles

184
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,448
[twittering squeaks ]

185
00:07:35,482 --> 00:07:36,724
[grunting ]

186
00:07:36,758 --> 00:07:38,103
[choking ]

187
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,103
[gulps, gasps ]

188
00:07:39,137 --> 00:07:40,206
!I swallowed one

189
00:07:40,241 --> 00:07:41,827
!I'm choking

190
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:43,551
:[coughing ]
!Water

191
00:07:43,586 --> 00:07:45,241
!Water

192
00:07:45,482 --> 00:07:48,103
[frantic gulping ]

193
00:07:48,137 --> 00:07:49,482
[gasping ]

194
00:07:49,517 --> 00:07:51,172
.That was a close one

195
00:07:51,206 --> 00:07:52,206
[meows ]

196
00:07:52,241 --> 00:07:53,482
What do you mean

197
00:07:53,517 --> 00:07:55,586
,overly dramatic
?Gary

198
00:07:55,620 --> 00:07:58,068
All that choking
.sure made me hungry

199
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,482
[meows ]

200
00:07:59,517 --> 00:08:01,586
I can't write on an
.empty stomach, Gary

201
00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:03,655
.I got to have my brain food

202
00:08:03,689 --> 00:08:07,172
...Now, let's see
?white or rye bread

203
00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:08,931
?Or pumpernickel

204
00:08:08,965 --> 00:08:11,103
Gee, I guess it really depends
...on the meat inside

205
00:08:11,137 --> 00:08:11,896
.and the cheese

206
00:08:11,931 --> 00:08:13,103
[doorbell rings ]

207
00:08:13,137 --> 00:08:14,931
?A visitor

208
00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:16,103
!?For me

209
00:08:16,137 --> 00:08:17,620
.Hello

210
00:08:17,655 --> 00:08:19,896
Package for
.Mr. Squarepants

211
00:08:19,931 --> 00:08:21,137
!Great

212
00:08:21,172 --> 00:08:22,655
!Thanks

213
00:08:22,689 --> 00:08:24,896
So, uh, you like
?delivering mail

214
00:08:24,931 --> 00:08:27,103
.It puts bread on the table

215
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:28,172
?Rye or pumpernickel

216
00:08:28,206 --> 00:08:30,206
[obnoxious laughter ]

217
00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:31,068
.Oh, brother

218
00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:33,034
So, do you deliver
your own mail

219
00:08:33,068 --> 00:08:34,689
or do you have
?your own mailperson

220
00:08:34,724 --> 00:08:36,551
?But then who delivers hismail

221
00:08:36,586 --> 00:08:38,586
Is there a never-ending
chain of mailmen

222
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:40,241
delivering mail
?to other mailmen

223
00:08:40,275 --> 00:08:41,586
Well, I guess a P.O. box

224
00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:43,620
,could, in theory
...break the chain

225
00:08:43,655 --> 00:08:45,103
Don't you have
?a paper to write

226
00:08:45,137 --> 00:08:46,758
[gulps ]

227
00:08:46,793 --> 00:08:49,241
How did he know I'm supposed
?to be writing an essay

228
00:08:49,482 --> 00:08:52,620
[blipping ]

229
00:08:52,655 --> 00:08:53,758
[slams ]

230
00:08:53,793 --> 00:08:55,551
In other news

231
00:08:55,586 --> 00:08:58,655
local resident
SpongeBob Squarepants

232
00:08:58,689 --> 00:09:02,103
only has a few hours left
to complete his essay

233
00:09:02,137 --> 00:09:04,551
and yet he continues
.to goof off

234
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,827
?When will he learn

235
00:09:06,862 --> 00:09:08,275
[screaming ]

236
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:09,310
[glass breaking ]

237
00:09:09,344 --> 00:09:10,620
[candle crackles ]

238
00:09:10,655 --> 00:09:12,724
:[male voice ]
.Hey, SpongeBob

239
00:09:12,758 --> 00:09:13,862
.Over here

240
00:09:13,896 --> 00:09:16,586
.Come on, take a seat

241
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:20,344
.Put your feet up and relax

242
00:09:20,586 --> 00:09:21,931
[bell chiming, gasping ]

243
00:09:24,068 --> 00:09:25,103
!Oh, no

244
00:09:25,137 --> 00:09:26,310
!Midnight

245
00:09:26,551 --> 00:09:28,206
[panting heavily ]

246
00:09:28,241 --> 00:09:29,344
[alarms ringing ]

247
00:09:29,586 --> 00:09:32,000
!Must... get... back to desk

248
00:09:33,206 --> 00:09:34,413
[yells ]

249
00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:35,793
!Whew

250
00:09:35,827 --> 00:09:37,000
.That was a close call

251
00:09:37,034 --> 00:09:38,758
[screams ]
!My pants

252
00:09:38,793 --> 00:09:41,793
.Yoo-hoo
.Down here

253
00:09:41,827 --> 00:09:42,827
!You get up here

254
00:09:42,862 --> 00:09:44,620
!I got to get back to work

255
00:09:44,655 --> 00:09:45,620
!Freedom

256
00:09:45,655 --> 00:09:46,965
!Stop, pants

257
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,034
You get back here
...this instant

258
00:09:49,068 --> 00:09:50,275
!pants

259
00:09:50,517 --> 00:09:51,827
[slams ]
[yells ]

260
00:09:51,862 --> 00:09:53,413
[groaning ]

261
00:09:55,241 --> 00:09:56,034
[clattering ]

262
00:09:56,068 --> 00:10:01,034
.Time's... up... SpongeBob

263
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,034
[gasps ]

264
00:10:02,068 --> 00:10:03,275
!Burning

265
00:10:03,517 --> 00:10:07,862
!Only 799 words to go

266
00:10:07,896 --> 00:10:10,137
[sinister laughter ]

267
00:10:10,172 --> 00:10:11,137
!No

268
00:10:11,172 --> 00:10:13,724
[screams ]

269
00:10:13,758 --> 00:10:14,931
!?What have I done

270
00:10:14,965 --> 00:10:16,034
!Help

271
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:19,206
!Help, my house is on fire

272
00:10:19,241 --> 00:10:20,965
[jabbering ]

273
00:10:26,206 --> 00:10:27,482
[brakes squeal ]

274
00:10:27,517 --> 00:10:28,724
!?SpongeBob, why

275
00:10:28,758 --> 00:10:31,379
Why did you set me
?on fire, SpongeBob

276
00:10:31,620 --> 00:10:33,827
Why didn't you just
!?write your essay

277
00:10:33,862 --> 00:10:36,137
!Stop wasting time

278
00:10:36,172 --> 00:10:38,068
[gasps ]

279
00:10:38,103 --> 00:10:38,862
[pops ]

280
00:10:38,896 --> 00:10:41,310
?Where's my essay

281
00:10:41,551 --> 00:10:43,172
.Oh, there you are

282
00:10:43,206 --> 00:10:43,965
[laughing ]

283
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,827
.I must have dozed off

284
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:47,862
?Let's see, where are we

285
00:10:49,103 --> 00:10:51,241
?Do I dare look at the clock

286
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,689
[creaking ]

287
00:10:53,724 --> 00:10:55,724
[ticking ]

288
00:10:55,758 --> 00:10:58,482
:[gasping ]
!It's almost 9:00

289
00:10:58,517 --> 00:10:59,586
!Class starts in five minutes

290
00:10:59,620 --> 00:11:02,344
How am I going to write
this whole paper

291
00:11:02,379 --> 00:11:03,931
!?in five minutes

292
00:11:03,965 --> 00:11:06,931
How am I supposed to know
?what not to do at a stoplight

293
00:11:06,965 --> 00:11:09,482
Feeding your snail
is something not to do

294
00:11:09,517 --> 00:11:10,793
...at a stoplight

295
00:11:10,827 --> 00:11:13,689
and making a sandwich
and-and lighting candles

296
00:11:13,724 --> 00:11:15,931
and drinking water
and calling your friends

297
00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,620
and karate chopping the TV

298
00:11:17,655 --> 00:11:19,862
and shooting the breeze
with the mailman

299
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:20,896
...and falling asleep and

300
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,758
[panting heavily ]

301
00:11:22,793 --> 00:11:24,517
!Mrs. Puff

302
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:26,896
!Mrs. Puff, I'm finished

303
00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:28,689
!All 800 words

304
00:11:28,724 --> 00:11:30,517
!I'm finished
!Here it is

305
00:11:30,551 --> 00:11:32,758
?They... Mrs. Puff

306
00:11:32,793 --> 00:11:34,551
?Where is everybody

307
00:11:34,586 --> 00:11:36,517
,Oh, there you are
.SpongeBob

308
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:38,310
,Here you go
.Mrs. Puff

309
00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:42,413
800 words, all about stoplights
.and what not to do at them

310
00:11:42,448 --> 00:11:45,379
,I'm sorry, SpongeBob
.I tried to call you

311
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:48,103
I have to go
.to a teachers' convention

312
00:11:48,137 --> 00:11:50,034
But what about
?my essay

313
00:11:50,068 --> 00:11:52,551
I decided to cancel
.the assignment

314
00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:54,896
We're just going to take
a field trip

315
00:11:54,931 --> 00:11:56,551
.to a stoplight instead

316
00:11:56,586 --> 00:11:58,103
.See you next week

317
00:12:16,034 --> 00:12:17,965
[grunting ]

318
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,448
[knocking ]

319
00:12:20,482 --> 00:12:22,137
[grunts ]

320
00:12:23,275 --> 00:12:24,965
!Whoo

321
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:25,965
[grunting ]

322
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,206
[panting ]

323
00:12:27,241 --> 00:12:30,034
.Oh, sweep, sweep

324
00:12:32,137 --> 00:12:34,586
!Need... furniture

325
00:12:41,413 --> 00:12:44,206
[panting and gasping ]

326
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,931
Patrick, what's
?with the home improvement

327
00:12:46,965 --> 00:12:48,034
[barks ]

328
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,413
[panting ]

329
00:12:50,448 --> 00:12:52,000
!Hey, Patrick

330
00:12:52,034 --> 00:12:53,862
!Ooh, sweep, sweep

331
00:12:53,896 --> 00:12:55,724
Well, Patrick, I came
over to see

332
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,620
if you wanted to go
jelly fishing

333
00:12:57,655 --> 00:13:00,310
but I can see you're busy
.having an episode

334
00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,586
,You know something
?Spongebob

335
00:13:03,620 --> 00:13:06,000
it's just all fun and games
.for you

336
00:13:06,034 --> 00:13:07,758
.Nothing really matters

337
00:13:07,793 --> 00:13:09,275
:[mockingly ]
!Oh, let's go jelly fishing"

338
00:13:09,310 --> 00:13:11,758
.We don't have any work to do"

339
00:13:11,793 --> 00:13:15,965
Life is just a big bowl"
of fancy, assorted cashews

340
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:20,241
and nobody has anything"
to dust or to clean

341
00:13:20,275 --> 00:13:22,551
"!or to wipe, or fabricate

342
00:13:24,758 --> 00:13:27,413
But, Patrick, the only thing
I've ever seen you clean

343
00:13:27,448 --> 00:13:28,620
.is your plate

344
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:32,586
[sobbing ]

345
00:13:32,827 --> 00:13:35,103
,I don't know what to do
.Spongebob

346
00:13:35,137 --> 00:13:36,655
!You got to help me

347
00:13:36,689 --> 00:13:38,896
Patrick, you forgot
.how to eat again

348
00:13:38,931 --> 00:13:40,655
Come on, we'll
.get the funnel

349
00:13:40,689 --> 00:13:43,655
,No, it's not that
.Spongebob; it's worse

350
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,172
Darn, I like
.the funnel

351
00:13:45,206 --> 00:13:46,448
?Well, what is it then

352
00:13:46,482 --> 00:13:48,034
!Look

353
00:13:48,068 --> 00:13:50,344
.Hey, a note

354
00:13:50,379 --> 00:13:52,000
.Yeah, but turn it over

355
00:13:52,034 --> 00:13:53,413
.There's a letter

356
00:13:53,448 --> 00:13:54,931
.You're right

357
00:13:54,965 --> 00:13:57,068
And I got this message
.from my parents

358
00:13:57,103 --> 00:13:58,310
?Your parents

359
00:13:58,551 --> 00:14:00,689
,Dear Patrick"
Your mom and I

360
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,586
are coming out tomorrow"
.for Starfish Day

361
00:14:02,620 --> 00:14:05,793
,Please try to remember"
but don't try too hard

362
00:14:05,827 --> 00:14:07,896
or you'll hurt yourself"
.like last time

363
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,310
".Love, Daddy

364
00:14:09,344 --> 00:14:11,758
Spongebob, my parents think
I'm dumber

365
00:14:11,793 --> 00:14:13,724
.than a sack of diapers

366
00:14:13,758 --> 00:14:15,034
,No, they don't
.Patrick

367
00:14:15,068 --> 00:14:17,103
Parents just like
...to push your buttons

368
00:14:17,137 --> 00:14:18,172
!like this-- Nee

369
00:14:18,206 --> 00:14:19,793
[laughing ]

370
00:14:19,827 --> 00:14:21,931
.That always cheers me up

371
00:14:21,965 --> 00:14:24,275
.But not today

372
00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:26,724
Patrick, if your parents
think you're dumb

373
00:14:26,758 --> 00:14:29,172
then they must not know
.what dumb really is

374
00:14:29,206 --> 00:14:31,241
But don't they watch
?television

375
00:14:31,275 --> 00:14:32,724
.That's what I'm saying, Pat

376
00:14:32,758 --> 00:14:35,103
If your parents got to meet
a real dummy

377
00:14:35,137 --> 00:14:37,896
they'd realize what genius
.you really are

378
00:14:37,931 --> 00:14:40,000
Oh, but don't genius live
?in a lamp

379
00:14:40,034 --> 00:14:43,068
And besides, we don't know
.any dumb people

380
00:14:43,103 --> 00:14:44,689
.Don't worry, Patrick

381
00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:45,724
!I'll be the dummy

382
00:14:45,758 --> 00:14:47,724
When your parents see
how dumb I act

383
00:14:47,758 --> 00:14:50,827
they'll think you're
.the smartest guy ever

384
00:14:50,862 --> 00:14:52,241
!Math is power

385
00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:54,965
A, B, C, D

386
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,275
[E, F, G...[ doorbell rings

387
00:14:57,310 --> 00:14:59,586
...Oh! ...H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O

388
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,620
Should I get the bullhorn
?again, Marty

389
00:15:01,655 --> 00:15:03,137
?W, X, Y and Z...

390
00:15:03,172 --> 00:15:04,206
.Hi, Mom

391
00:15:04,241 --> 00:15:05,586
.Hi, Dad

392
00:15:05,620 --> 00:15:07,793
Son, you recognized us
.this time

393
00:15:07,827 --> 00:15:10,827
Why wouldn't I recognize
?my own parents

394
00:15:10,862 --> 00:15:12,931
.You never were a bright one

395
00:15:12,965 --> 00:15:14,172
...Uh

396
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,586
[laughing ]

397
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:17,344
Well, aren't you going
?to show us inside

398
00:15:17,379 --> 00:15:19,689
He probably forgot
.where it is

399
00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,931
...I know where

400
00:15:20,965 --> 00:15:23,344
Oh, let me lead the way
?so we don't get lost, huh

401
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:25,344
.Hold hands now

402
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:28,034
.Okay, we're almost there

403
00:15:28,068 --> 00:15:29,931
.Let go on three

404
00:15:29,965 --> 00:15:32,517
.One, two, three

405
00:15:32,551 --> 00:15:34,206
!Good job

406
00:15:34,241 --> 00:15:36,241
.Pats for Patrick.Pats for Patrick

407
00:15:36,275 --> 00:15:38,482
[both laughing ]

408
00:15:40,137 --> 00:15:43,241
.I'll go get the beverages

409
00:15:43,275 --> 00:15:44,965
[ice cubes tinkling ]

410
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,517
!Wow, son

411
00:15:46,551 --> 00:15:49,275
You put the drinks insomething
.this time

412
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:51,862
Aw, son, you must've been
working all night

413
00:15:51,896 --> 00:15:54,172
to put these together
.for us

414
00:15:54,206 --> 00:15:56,344
.We love you
.We love you

415
00:15:56,379 --> 00:15:57,758
[groaning ]

416
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,310
!doorbell rings]Hooray, the idiot's here ]

417
00:16:00,344 --> 00:16:01,862
.I mean, I'll get it

418
00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:03,310
.Protective helmet-- check

419
00:16:03,344 --> 00:16:04,379
[meows ]

420
00:16:04,413 --> 00:16:05,931
I'm supposed
.to look stupid, Gary

421
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:06,965
[meows ]

422
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,758
?What could go wrong

423
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:10,793
.What a surprise

424
00:16:10,827 --> 00:16:12,379
.Hi

425
00:16:12,413 --> 00:16:15,620
,Mom, Dad, meet my neighbor
.Spongebob

426
00:16:15,655 --> 00:16:16,655
.Hi

427
00:16:16,689 --> 00:16:17,793
.Hello there

428
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,034
?How do you do

429
00:16:19,172 --> 00:16:20,137
.Hi

430
00:16:20,172 --> 00:16:21,827
.Put her there

431
00:16:23,448 --> 00:16:24,793
:[mechanical voice ]
!Mama, Mama

432
00:16:24,827 --> 00:16:26,965
.He means shake

433
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,896
!No, Spongebob, no

434
00:16:28,931 --> 00:16:30,758
.Shake hands

435
00:16:30,793 --> 00:16:33,413
.No, Spongebob

436
00:16:33,448 --> 00:16:36,172
.Grab my dad's hand

437
00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,620
Grab it with
.only one hand

438
00:16:38,655 --> 00:16:39,931
!Good boy

439
00:16:39,965 --> 00:16:44,793
Now move your
.arm up and down

440
00:16:44,827 --> 00:16:45,689
[giggling ]

441
00:16:45,724 --> 00:16:48,620
,So, Spongebob
?do you live nearby

442
00:16:48,655 --> 00:16:49,724
.Hi

443
00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:52,965
.No, Spongebob
.Show them your house

444
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:57,689
,No, not your blouse
.your house

445
00:16:57,724 --> 00:16:59,310
[screaming ]

446
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:02,827
?He lives in a fruit

447
00:17:02,862 --> 00:17:04,931
.That's unhealthy

448
00:17:04,965 --> 00:17:08,379
[laughing ]

449
00:17:08,413 --> 00:17:09,965
!Hey, Spongebob

450
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,827
You want to stay
?for dinner

451
00:17:12,862 --> 00:17:15,827
[babbling ]

452
00:17:15,862 --> 00:17:18,379
[chuckles ]

453
00:17:18,413 --> 00:17:20,965
Does he always do that
?after he eats

454
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,482
:PATRICK
.Only on Wednesday

455
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,827
[buzzing loudly ]

456
00:17:27,862 --> 00:17:29,344
[chuckling ]

457
00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:32,517
Uh, Patrick, I think your friend
.might be broken

458
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:36,448
Yeah, and it would take
more than some masking tape

459
00:17:36,482 --> 00:17:38,206
.to fix that guy

460
00:17:38,241 --> 00:17:40,517
[siren blares ]

461
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:43,413
?Whoa! Is he going to be okay

462
00:17:43,448 --> 00:17:45,103
.Oh, that's nothing

463
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,137
You should see him
in the morning

464
00:17:47,172 --> 00:17:50,689
,prancing around, yelling
!Harmony! Harmony! Harmony"

465
00:17:50,724 --> 00:17:53,862
He drives
.all the neighbors crazy

466
00:17:53,896 --> 00:17:57,103
Why, just the other day
...our neighbor Squidward was

467
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:58,517
[elephant trumpets ]

468
00:17:58,551 --> 00:18:00,103
[clattering ]

469
00:18:00,137 --> 00:18:01,931
There's really
.no help for him

470
00:18:04,344 --> 00:18:06,379
I mean, look at
.the way he's dressed

471
00:18:06,413 --> 00:18:09,241
Only somebody with holes
drilled in their head

472
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:11,000
.would wear that stuff

473
00:18:11,034 --> 00:18:13,344
?And how about this shape

474
00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:15,448
I mean, I've heard
of barrel-chested

475
00:18:15,482 --> 00:18:18,172
!but never box-chested

476
00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:20,206
[all laughing ]

477
00:18:20,241 --> 00:18:24,206
Hey, Spongebob, do you have
?any mascara I could borrow

478
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:27,275
[chuckles ]

479
00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:29,724
?The boy wears makeup

480
00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:31,172
!What a card

481
00:18:31,206 --> 00:18:33,310
[laughing ]

482
00:18:33,344 --> 00:18:36,896
[laughter continues ]

483
00:18:36,931 --> 00:18:38,689
.Hey, Patrick

484
00:18:38,724 --> 00:18:39,620
!Patrick

485
00:18:39,655 --> 00:18:42,310
.Aw, he said my name

486
00:18:42,344 --> 00:18:45,000
Wow, how'd you train
?him to do that

487
00:18:45,034 --> 00:18:47,517
[laughter ]

488
00:18:47,551 --> 00:18:49,379
.Ow! He bit me

489
00:18:49,413 --> 00:18:51,241
,Patrick
.meet me in the kitchen

490
00:18:51,275 --> 00:18:55,517
Oh, I guess the dummy
wants to have a private
.conversation

491
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,103
[laughing ]

492
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,172
!A dumb one

493
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:02,034
[laughing ]

494
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:03,793
?So, what's on your mind

495
00:19:03,827 --> 00:19:04,758
!No, wait

496
00:19:04,793 --> 00:19:07,586
:I already know the answer
.nothing

497
00:19:07,620 --> 00:19:09,379
[laughing ]

498
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:11,827
,See, that's funny
!'cause you're dumb

499
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,586
Patrick, could you let up
on the insults

500
00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,517
?just a little bit

501
00:19:15,551 --> 00:19:18,517
Oh, we're those too complicated
?for you

502
00:19:18,551 --> 00:19:20,965
I'll try dumbingthem down
.a bit

503
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,517
Patrick, I get the feeling
.that you think I really am dumb

504
00:19:27,413 --> 00:19:30,827
:[chuckling ]
That's just what I'd expect
.you to say

505
00:19:30,862 --> 00:19:33,379
Dumb people are always
blissfully unaware

506
00:19:33,413 --> 00:19:35,379
.of how dumb they really are

507
00:19:35,413 --> 00:19:37,448
[moans ]

508
00:19:37,482 --> 00:19:39,586
.I'm only pretending to be dumb

509
00:19:39,620 --> 00:19:41,517
?It was our plan, remember

510
00:19:41,551 --> 00:19:44,379
Oh, Spongebob, if only
you could see

511
00:19:44,413 --> 00:19:47,275
how stupid you sound right now

512
00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:50,206
with your talk
.of imaginary plans

513
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:53,448
Tell you what, you've caught me
.in a good mood

514
00:19:53,482 --> 00:19:55,103
.I'll humor you

515
00:19:55,137 --> 00:19:58,482
Go on. Go out there and act
.smart for everyone

516
00:19:58,517 --> 00:20:00,758
.Okay, I will

517
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:05,482
;And-and don't worry
.I'll keep this warm for you

518
00:20:05,517 --> 00:20:06,620
[clears throat ]

519
00:20:06,655 --> 00:20:08,620
.I have a confession to make

520
00:20:08,655 --> 00:20:10,620
.I lied about being stupid

521
00:20:10,655 --> 00:20:12,275
I just acted like a fool

522
00:20:12,310 --> 00:20:15,413
so you would appreciate Patrick
.a little bit more

523
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,034
I know how to talk and eat
--and do laundry

524
00:20:18,068 --> 00:20:20,482
I even separate the darks
.and the lights

525
00:20:20,517 --> 00:20:22,965
So what do you say we start over
.and try again

526
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,965
Hi. My name is
Spongebob Squarepants

527
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,482
.and I am not a dummy

528
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,068
[chuckling ]

529
00:20:29,103 --> 00:20:31,310
Amazing. Three minutes
in the kitchen

530
00:20:31,344 --> 00:20:34,620
and our son has taught him
.to talk in complete sentences

531
00:20:34,655 --> 00:20:36,000
.Oh, good work, son

532
00:20:36,034 --> 00:20:38,000
.It wasn't easy, Dad

533
00:20:38,241 --> 00:20:40,103
:[stuttering ]
...B-but-but

534
00:20:40,137 --> 00:20:43,310
It looks like it's time
.for your next lesson, young man

535
00:20:43,344 --> 00:20:45,586
!Now listen to me
!I'm not dumb

536
00:20:45,620 --> 00:20:48,896
.I have a brain
.See, here's a picture of it

537
00:20:49,793 --> 00:20:52,172
.That must be actual size

538
00:20:52,206 --> 00:20:55,586
[laughter ]

539
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:59,448
No! It's normal size
.and fully functional

540
00:20:59,482 --> 00:21:01,000
.Watch

541
00:21:02,655 --> 00:21:04,551
.Two plus two equals four

542
00:21:04,586 --> 00:21:07,206
,Oh, son, you taught him math
.too

543
00:21:07,241 --> 00:21:09,413
!No

544
00:21:09,448 --> 00:21:11,379
.Andyou taught him to sing

545
00:21:11,413 --> 00:21:12,448
[babbling ]

546
00:21:12,482 --> 00:21:14,137
Oh, now he's
.short-circuiting

547
00:21:14,172 --> 00:21:16,448
You must've taught him
.a little too much

548
00:21:16,482 --> 00:21:20,000
[laughing ]

549
00:21:20,241 --> 00:21:23,689
[laughter continues ]

550
00:21:30,241 --> 00:21:34,137
[laughter continuing ]

551
00:21:37,310 --> 00:21:39,827
[screaming ]

552
00:21:42,689 --> 00:21:44,241
You know, son

553
00:21:44,275 --> 00:21:47,689
I've always known
that when it comes to brightness

554
00:21:47,724 --> 00:21:50,241
.well, you're about a three-watt

555
00:21:50,275 --> 00:21:53,758
But this guy... he's a wet match
.in a dark cave

556
00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:56,689
He makes
.phone operators seem smart

557
00:21:56,724 --> 00:21:59,137
[clears throat ]
But more importantly, son

558
00:21:59,172 --> 00:22:02,206
,he's shown me what a sharp
.quick-witted boy you've become

559
00:22:02,241 --> 00:22:05,413
I-I feel like I'm
really meeting you
.for the first time

560
00:22:05,448 --> 00:22:07,689
?Isn't that right, Janet

561
00:22:07,724 --> 00:22:09,620
.You bet, Marty

562
00:22:09,655 --> 00:22:12,103
?Janet

563
00:22:12,137 --> 00:22:13,482
!?Marty

564
00:22:13,517 --> 00:22:15,482
!?Who are you people

565
00:22:15,517 --> 00:22:17,551
.Marty, I'm scared

566
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:18,620
[doorbell rings ]

567
00:22:18,655 --> 00:22:19,758
.Excuse me

568
00:22:19,793 --> 00:22:22,758
Does this lovely
?couple belong to you

569
00:22:22,793 --> 00:22:24,620
They've been standing
outside my house saying

570
00:22:24,655 --> 00:22:26,379
.Where's Patrick?" all day"

571
00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:28,241
!It's driving me nuts

572
00:22:28,275 --> 00:22:31,275
!Mom! Dad

573
00:22:32,689 --> 00:22:36,000
Wow, son, you actually
.recognized us this time

574
00:22:36,034 --> 00:22:39,758
And you remembered
.to get dressed today

575
00:22:39,793 --> 00:22:41,931
[all laughing ]

576
00:22:45,172 --> 00:22:49,172
,Oh, that's right, honey
.we don't have a son

577
00:22:49,206 --> 00:22:51,344
.Oh, yeah

578
00:22:51,379 --> 00:22:53,172
[laughter continuing ]

579
00:23:01,344 --> 00:23:05,344
Captioning sponsored by THE]
U.S. DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

580
00:23:05,379 --> 00:23:09,206
and NICKELODEON

581
00:23:09,241 --> 00:23:13,310
Captioned by
The Caption Center
[WGBH Educational Foundation